Sty Dillipops. Lollipops for pigs.

March 11, 2008

Sty Dillipops

Sometimes you just have to sit back and marvel at the pure weirdness of Eurekak, as per this submission from an unnamed someone, who we have decided to guess might be called Mr Probably David Beckham.

“Fucked out of my mind in a curry shop after a night out. I’ve got a feeling it came out of a discussion where we were trying to work out why humans, dogs and cats were the only creatures who got sweets. That’s when Sty Dillipops were invented. They’re lollipops for pigs.”

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So You Think You Can Chant?

February 22, 2008

Chant

Regular contributor Adonis P. Healey contacts Eurekak with an urgent missive:

“Had this idea for a television programme last night. I think you can imagine the format. Trial after punishing trial of Gregorian chant competitions where the unwitting British public get the chance to win the gong of Best Chanter. You can feel the cleverness I felt this represented captured in the emphasis on chant. But as with all eurekak moments, it soon faded into a pale, lustreless version of itself wherein the post-it now seems to mock me with it’s own emphasis. “Did you really think this was going to work?” The rhetorical question reverberates in my brain while I sip my cup of tepid instant coffee and the afternoon seems just a little bit longer than usual, in the distance a dog barks. Twice.”

Top Trumps

January 30, 2008

Top Trumps

Oh! Adonis P. Healey with this prime, minty, low-calorie Eurekak you are surely spoiling us!

“I thought it sounded like a wicked idea at first – an ingenious pun on the word trump (such a good word to start with!). You could have a deck of cars with pictures of people with the surname Trump and give them scores for their various attributes. But then I realised I could only think of two – Donald and Ivana – so it’d be a pretty short game. Golf handicap – 4. Pairs of stilettos – 14,000. I wondered about including characters from Trumpton (particularly the mayor) but I figured that was stretching an already tenuous gag. If anyone can think of another 50 people called Trump, they’re welcome to the idea.”

CSI Johnny Vegas

January 30, 2008

CSI Johnny Vegas

Adonis P. Healey’s mind is feverish and has begun churning out Eurekak like it was some sort of machine (my emphasis).

“I haven’t completely given up on this idea, but I did want to share it. Drunk as I may have been, I obviously took some time over this – the little squiggles are meant to indicate flashing neon lights by the way. Imagine if you will that noted crime-fighter and felon-foiler Grisholm took a sabbatical and Johnny Vegas got the job as top dog at the CSI office. Now there’s a dramatic opportunity. Or is there? Monkey, don’t blind me w’science. Jus gi’s another pie. [Vegas drinks Guinness] I’LL TAKE YOU ALL ON! Bastards! If anyone wants to buy an option on this, let me know.”


I invented eBay

January 28, 2008

eBay

Don’t_Leave emails an intriguing example of a particular kind of Eurekak, drunkenly re-inventing that which already exists:

“Read the text and then ask yourself what it’s describing. It’s eBay, isn’t it. Not when I’m drunk it’s not. It’s the idea that the world has been waiting for. The idea that will finally see me quit my job and become a glamorous young business woman. The idea that will allow me to tell my boss to go and shove his repetitive and essentially pointless job. None of which stops it being eBay though.”

Rural Lidl

January 28, 2008

Rural Lidl

Not Terry returns with another hastily scrawled moment of Eurekak:

“Like all the nearly-but-very-not-quite-there jokes this one would take some considerable explaining. Especially to a Southener who wouldn’t probably know what Lidl is [it’s a cheapo supermarket]. So in the world of this joke, rather than having a rural idyll, which is a nice place in the countryside, you have a rural lidl, a cheap Supermarket in the countryside. See. They’re two quite separate things. Man, this is the shittest unjoke I’ve ever had. I think I might kill myself.”

IDS has an orange for a head

January 16, 2008

IDS with orange for head

Robert R. Robert R. Robertson shows that even artistic types have moments of Eurekak.

“I once thought I had had an absolute brainwave. My cunning plan was to replace the head of Ian Duncan Smith with an orange – perhaps after that infamous joke about the man with an orange for a head. Lord knows why, but when it came to me it did so as an idea of such brilliance that I felt compelled to carry it through to fruition. I even went so far as to draw up for myself a set of instructions. Then I realised, in a moment of crushing truth, that it was a crap idea.”

Chas ‘m’ Dave

January 16, 2008

Chas ‘m’ Dave

Not Terry says this Eurekak has been with him for several months and is glad to unburden himself of it.

“I wrote this on a piece of paper I found on the floor of a bus, which I was brave enough to touch because it seemed like such a funny idea. I’ve carried this in my wallet now for a long time, waiting for a moment in a conversation to bring up this particular gag but it’s never arrived. That’s partly because it’s quite difficult to ennunciate. So if you said “Ha, yeah, like Chas ‘m’ Dave! Lol!” whoever you were talking to might just assume that you’d said “Chas ‘n’ Dave” which isn’t funny, it’s just the name of the thing. All things considered, it’s a pretty wank joke.”

ASBO-lute-ly

January 16, 2008

Asbo-lutel-ly

Emma emails this beautifully scanned document and says that she woke one morning to find this Eurekak on her bedside table.

“When I was writing it I could see the front cover of the first issue of ASBO-lutely and it seemed like a good idea, worth waking up for. But in the morning the question you’re left with is why would people on an ASBO, who presumably have pretty severe behavioural problems want to know about lutes? It’s a great name for a magazine but I reckon that’s just too niche a market to launch a magazine for.”

Stars in their urinals

January 16, 2008

Stars in their urinals

Welcome Anonymous Bob and thanks for the email containing this beautiful moment of Eurekak!

“I have precisely no idea what format Stars in their Urinals would take, all I know is that I was so excited by the concept that I texted it to myself four times during a night out for a friend’s birthday. I suspect that the stars would be low price celebrities, say for example Michelle Heaton’s husband and they would be interviewed whilst sitting in a urinal. I don’t know it makes very little sense. I was drunk. That said if I see this on ITV in the next year I’ll be fecking livid.”